January 2011
1 post
I Don't Usually Write on this Blog...
But you all are my friends. And I need someone to talk to.
So today was interesting. I can’t tell if I am high or just too numb to feel anything real. I smoked with my parents today. Didn’t expect that. Things I learned: My mom rolls a mean joint.
Also, my house is perfect for getting the munchies in, if you are really in need of them. I had cheeze its, lays, peanuts, oreos, and...
December 2010
2 posts
The Elephant's Caretaker Returns to the States.
Meet Delilah. Shit, that’s a good name. The Cheese Queen (AKA M*star) can’t feel her forehead.
I’m trying to hard to picture what you’re saying but all I can picture is a caterpillar
She will be the Cheese Queen in the 4th episode of stuck. I wish that I was at the castle right now.
MR. TROLOLOLOLOLOLO
It's Settled.
Christina is the #2 best singer of all time. 1st place goes to Ms. Julie Andrews, obviously.
Mark is eating my cold mashed potatoes. My head is that balloon in the first episode of “Winnie the Pooh” where Christopher releases Winnie on a balloon heading towards a bee’s nest.
Stop this nonsense. “Can you just click on Beyonce’s Great Voice?”
OKOK…so...
October 2010
1 post
There is a Fucking Dead Man on This Computer. That...
DJ Tik: Wait, What’d you say?
Carbs: You’re welcome.
DJ Tik: Oh, I thought you said “Lots of gum”!
The Walter Coggin Blog is the most hilarious thing I have ever done. Wait, guys, stop…I just thought I was the fire alarm. You’re a beauty salon, now.
Oh, beauty school drop outs. Naturally. Where’s the chapstick? I was dreading it’s voice I...
September 2010
7 posts
I'm Lucky- I got off before it came out.
THAT’S WHAT SHE SAID?
I was actually not talking about sex at all. Can you imagine WHAT I was talking about?
We’re going to have a day when we have an 1/8 to ourselves, and all we do is watch “Will and Grace” and “Friends” and eat goldfish and broccoli and a two-liter bottle of coke…maybe a cheeseburger and a mocha frappe (not frappe, FRAPEEEE—as...
Really Montana? →
Have You Been Getting Bit By Things?
Yeah. A mouse. You know what I don’t understand? The mouse traveling by itself. I mean, if I were him, I wouldn’t want to be going out into the big world all alone! I’d want you there with me. Bring your BFFL, make some mischief, eat some cheese, and call it a day. Am I right, am I right?!
Then There's This Game Where You Race Guys in...
Moritz is here with us, ladies and gentlemen. I wish I was sitting on a beach on a beach chair, Corona in one hand and stroking a dick in the other hand. And then we got rock hard cookies and they were delicious.
Take a fucking berry. Okay, you took one. My favorite one, but you know…
DON’T FORGET TO STICK IT BOW.
Can we talk about Lady Gagz meat suit tonight? SHE IS CLEARLY INSANE,...
Wait a Hot Second.
I need to blog.
If we’re going to get high, we’re gonna get it right.
We’re here with Capn Carbs, Talking Carl, and Psychopathic Dragon. Jilly Hilly was here too, but she left to get up at 6 am. iPhones are so weird. Let’s make a prank phone call.
Carl keeps getting scoobs and I don’t know why. My desk is incomplete and everyone’s laughing at it. It’s...
Nine Inch Turkey.
I am actually with the best group of people I could ever be with. Mark’s Big, Hot Gay Friend, and Media Planning classmate, and Mark. Singing Spring Awakening and Avenue Q. This is actually fantastic.
Mark is wearing OL for life sunglasses. Ironic?
I don’t know what I just said, but I know for a fact that I did NOT say that. Once again, Tomato and Basil Wheat Thins are the best. OMG...
Poop Poop 123
This is the perfect night for blogging- first night spent in our new apartment! Yayy! Plus, it’s mine and Marky’s 2 year anniversary. Isn’t that GREAT?! I’m joining RoiWorld, by the way. Love me some dress up games…thanks to the New Yorker I am reminded of how much I love those games.
So, here we are, in our new apartment, just BEING with each other. Mike is...
August 2010
11 posts
Why are there so many period commercials?
How much is too much?
Currently, Maureen and I are learning about heavy flow$. But most people have normal periods so it’s fine. Tonight, we ate Finale cookies, and they weren’t very good but they are addicting. I was just chewing, stopped for like a minute, and forgot that I had food in my mouth.
ANNOUNCEMENT! Maureen and I are trying to date “Vinny” from Jersey Shore....
True Life: I'm a Southern Belle.
Tonight, we gave birth to a beautiful baby bowl, and her name is Evita. (Our Akita, if you will.) We had training and pictures tonight.
Why is it that people who talk with a Southern accent are REALLY impossible to understand when they talk quickly? Pageants are so strange. Like really. The fat lady says she’s not really like that, but do we believe her?? noooo.
Marky is on the floor....
The Day of the Period Pants.
Not really. We were just eating spaghetti and I dropped it on my pants. Of course, that would happen. Anyways, at least having my period gives me a reason to be over-emotional and bitchy…right?
We NEED to clean that apartment. Graffiti walls. BAH.
Cap’n Homosexual (or whatever Mike calls him) goes TANNING. Please. That is too good. I can see why Homo gets a lot of sex. He is...
There is a sentence I never thought I'd say..
We’re watching Friends I made over 100 dollars tonight. I need more mocha iced beverages. Or a Wild Berry Mojito
Maureen and I will be reunited this Thursday. I am so so so excited. I honestly don’t know what’s happening on this episode.
“I would murder my roommate in her sleep if they ever brought a tiranchala home. I know that is spelt wrong but oh well.
Gimme...
I just ate...
The crumbiest cookie ever… like legit crumbs.
The cookie was really good.
At work tonight, my friends Jon and Andrew came in, it was fantastic. THey were hungry (wink wink) and I gave them free desserts. I’m a good friend. =)
Tomorrow I work a double. I got the DUMBEST email today targeting me about asking for days off from my boss. NEXT. I ain’t the one to hear this. NOT ME!
...
Going off from that picture...
.. I wish I had her life. Kay thanks bye!
But tonight.. was a medical night. It was a good night. We went to go visit Carlo and he was literally sitting there on Chat Roulette by himself, wearing Coach accessaries. What a true homosexual. In other news. THE CUTEST boy came into work today.. and I trained a new HOT man.
Good jealous day in the gay dept. (rhyme win)
I am eating a grilled cheese I...
Tonight the Ducks Quack.
Doesn’t it seem like ducks are always in a hurry when they are flying? But then seagulls just coast along, while sparrows are somewhere in between. Quite an interesting thought, really.
You know what movie is great, Mark? Austin Powers 3: Goldmember. It is one of the most quotable movies of our childhood and has one of the BEST FREAKING CASTS ever to exist in a movie. Really how do they get...
Back from Providence
…with a hickey the size of the city. Work has been fun the past 2 days.
“so if you care to find me, look to the western sky”- Idina Menzel
she is currently on my youtube page.
I would like some food right now.
I haven’t eaten anything since a salad for dinnahh.
And nobody, in all the world. No Mary Jane that this or was.. will ever dissatisfy me.
WOOOOO! Idina is...
I could not drive.
-Mark
I want McDonalds more than anything else in the world. Captain Gay just jizzed himself when he layed on it.
Went to the Fenway area to hang with work Biddies.. megah fun. There were so many Mary Jane’s in that serving.. I am very sorry but at this moment i am dying.
I work to much.
PROVIDENCE TOMORROW!! THE MOST EXCITED!
Me, Carlo, Kellie, Kat, Lizz and Jenn!! maybe sabrina and...
And We Stood Under the Narnia Lamppost.
Tonight. That happened. In a small patch of a neighborhood grass. I must be quick, dear Mark, but I wanted to share my two incredibly profound theories of the night.
Hell is where you go if you die with regrets, and Heaven is where you go if you die without regrets. That’s why religious folk seek forgiveness, so that they can allow themselves to die with a peaceful mind.
Love is an...
July 2010
7 posts
I literally am obsessed and just cried... →
I tried posting last night too
My father is currently watching this weird basement remodeling show and the people who have the nicest basements that was the mo$t co$t efficient. Some biddies just won almost 10,000.
…Get me on that show.
Anyway, Lizz is currently getting her haircut in my kitchen. She wants to be a real lesbian so she is CHOPPING her hair. That shit is the gayest reason I’ve ever heard.
My dad is...
The Guide to Unknown Nerdy References.
I had a mini epiphany tonight, regarding nerds and their minorly obscure references. I realized that you can lie in order to gain nerd points and not feel really stupid by referring to and/or Harry Potter and Lord of the Rings…either which one first, it doesn’t matter, but one of them is bound to strike the heartstrings of your nerdy beloved.
Anyways, it is hot hot hot here in...
Bless Bova's
I am currently one vErYyY happy homo right now. Bova’s treats, air conditioner and a comfy couch.
My quote of the night: “I just realized why I’m not welcomed by the homosexual community. I’m wearing gym clothes, smell and haven’t showered, hair is a mess, I’m schoobie”ing”, I’m slouched down with my legs wide opened and with two massive...
Mark's song of the night.. →
HELLO NEW YORK!
Get it..? Like.. Hello Dolly!!!! Well anywayy!!
It’s Mark here. Starting on July 2nd, Maureen and I are going to have to spend the summer apart. She is currently banging Mr. Carbs all over the state of California. Hopefully there are no earthquakes or wild fires to interrupt them.
But.. I am staying New York for the weekend. I got here around 330 and it feels like so much longer. It...
I Just Don't Understand Why I'm Not Patti LuPone!
I don’t know how to use a computer anymore. Apparently. Tikitorch looks sexy. like BOOOOOM, Her phone is not showing her her messages. The rats are loud. Marks nose is sandy. Jack and the Candlestick.. we only remember a little bit of that.
I erased this passage.
Advice for the evening…
Learn to live like Patti LuPone, sing it, listen and work it. Your Tony will come.OH MY...
June 2010
12 posts
She's the Peace Queef?
No, the Cheese Queen.
Silly Mark with his cheerios. I mean, Frosted Flakes, of course. Who the fuck is Rose. What does she think she’s doing with my life. Asshole.
C.Q. zapped in and out of her body. Mark and CQ are singing some pizza jingle. You got the spirit, you got the funk! We have been singing an awful lawt tonight, folks. We need a commercial break!
This is a good time for a...
I have peanut butter, bread,...
Tonight, ladies and gentlemen, Julie Andrews.
Cheesecake never tasted sweeter than at the celebration. Mark has spaghetti. Oh shit. I just heard my eye pop. What? The sink has been running since I was born.
Mr. Carbs is a magician of sorts. Mostly just of plastic bottle burning, though.
Maybe that isn’t the water running, but the fan spinning. I don’t know, my ears are confused.
...
The Girl Who Couldn't Burp : An Autobiography.
Wheat Thins (again) and cheddar cheese and awkward British accents that don’t make any sense whatsoever. Don’t make me eat it, don’t make me…I just brushed my teeth.
I also feel like you should see this…
I found poems from my high school ex. On MySpace. That’s…sickening.
Mark’s Facebook got hacked into. Wow, we are just a social networking hub...
Tap that ash..
.. show me what you smoking with.
Maureen is being a large poop and is going to bed. She got her hair braided on the cruise because her perm was still in tact 8 years later.
We have two great friends with us to night, and we will get to them right after this commercial break.
WE”RE BACK!! time to meet.. the lovely.
-Amelia and Ruth.
Amelia is from Southern California and Ruth is from...
Golden Slumbers...
Once there was a way to get back home.
I’m supposed to tell you about the bisexual poster that is hanging in our living room. It’s of a man touching his own tits. K & C are singing Beatels music. Mr. Carbohydrates apparently has a fat head. Camera is coming over this way.
Fries are really one of the best foods in the world. Or chips, in England.
Our ex’s were both at the...
My brain is....
literally asleep. Says Maureen.
Fun fact: I got the janky rats from Petco when I was younger. Amy’s rats are SO much smarter than I ever could image.
“It’s a 11 o’clock somewhere…” “Yeah… HERE!”
SPOOKYYYY says Christopher Walken.
“South Dakota is an hour ahead of us.. right?”
MARK… THIS SHOES SMELL TERRIBLE.
...
The Heart and the Brain Look Cute Together.
One can’t live without the other, right? It’s kind of like a war - they are at a constant race for first most important organ, but at the end of the day, they could never hurt each other. I guess sorta like Rome and Greece. Equally powerful and equally influential.
Mark is at work currently. Unfortunately he didn’t get to smoke Recyclables.
Maureen: What were we talking...
The Unsolved Mystery of Reheated Burnt Chicken.
It’s pretty good!
Why, oh why, is it so fucking hot? Feed me, Amy. It’s your birthday.The gays have their day of pride tomorrow. Disgusting. Just kidding. It’s not funny.
Fun Question of the Day:
What is your favorite 90’s TV show?
Fun Fact of the Day:
Mark’s head is spinning. And there’s a gay man in the ROTC.
We like Sabrina and Legends of the Hidden...
Notebook Paper...
Can actually make.. a paper. And.. A fantastic breath mint. (please look back to the previous blog and skip to the breath mint part) We can’t wait for the Stories on Friday.
“Do you have a plastic bottle?”
DONT CALL MY NAME!
I sucked Ralph Nader tonight. Me? Maureen? Both? The answer is both. And Scott. And Jeff and Pat. He is no longer Independent and Undecided.. He is a...
Wheat Thins.
The only snack worth eating after you brush your teeth.
Quotes from the night:
“Get my jimmy (jiggy) leg” -T
“Do you ever get to that point where you can’t remember how to speak English?” -T
3890…that’s not my address at all. Oh wait, it’s my birthday reversed…? - M
Frida Kahlo. -M
Oh, yer smaaart. -A
My heart is bleedinggg -A
Edit...
I Got Drunk.
Sobered up.
Took a shower.
Got drunk again.
Got high again.
And now I’m here.
Tortilla Chips + Sour Cream “kinda gross”-“pretty good” Dip + Salsa + Bad Jokes =
Katie : In which month of the year do people talk the least?
Amanda : I don’t give a fuck.
Don’t mayke me smoke. Don’t mayke me get haih.
Grape Runts According to Katie:
If it...
We're Milk Guzzlers.
Yep. And we’re bed breakers too!
Next time I want to pay 1/8 grams of weed, I will not pay more than THIRTY dollar$. But I WILL sit in a room of 12 people (with the most gay couple of all time) in a circle passing three bowls.
The cookie has been spit. TURN UP THE A.C.
Out to meet Nessa. Finally.
M&M. Like the chocolate candy.
May 2010
1 post
We Didn't Do a Title..AKA We Didn't Start the...
Dear Beloved Audience of Thine,
Here we have a bibbity boppity thought of the evening:
If you swallow a Gusher whole, would it pop when you pooped it out?
Our Opinion:
Only Amy Winehouse would know.
Also, happy 4th birthday to Mr. Franklin Turtle,
Mark: What did that email just say? The writing is so fuckin’ small.
Me: I know…I figure I will read it when I’m straight. I...
April 2010
1 post
Welcome to Narnia.
…or as some might say, Mother Earth’s vagina.
As we sit here eating Mike’s Pastries, Mark scarfing down the tiramisu and myself slurping up the last of the red velvet cupcake, we discuss gay men we wish were straight or, more frequently, straight men we wish were gay.
Me and Mary Jane and Mark. Just the way we like it.
As recently stated to his tiramisu, “oh my god, my...