But you all are my friends. And I need someone to talk to.

So today was interesting. I can’t tell if I am high or just too numb to feel anything real. I smoked with my parents today. Didn’t expect that. Things I learned: My mom rolls a mean joint.

Also, my house is perfect for getting the munchies in, if you are really in need of them. I had cheeze its, lays, peanuts, oreos, and grapes. Such a wonderful assortment of high needs.

Today, I ended one of the most important and impactful relationships of my life. But somehow, I think it was the right thing. Mark says he is proud of me. So do my parents. And part of me feels proud for myself. But I can’t help but feel like a cop out. 

I guess I just needed to be selfish, you know? I have been making such an effort to do things for myself…maybe I just didn’t want to stop the streak. It’s not really an excuse, but it’s all I’ve got right now.

My life is going to change, after today. This day will always be a monumental thing for me. I remember so many others like it. Why is it that the best relationships always end? Mark, I pray to whatever God or heavenly being there is that will not happen to us. 

I need to start getting back into shape. I need more to my life than feelings and thinking and being trapped inside my own body. This is why I am glad to be going back to Boston…so that I can get back on track again with people who surround me with happy feelings. I never feel better about myself than I do at Emerson — that’s the only solid truth I feel right now.

Anyways, I suppose it’s time for bed. Or dress up games, one of the two. I just want to end by saying that life is too short to let people take advantage of you. It’s also too short to think that being taken advantage of is the worst thing in the world. At least I have my health…kind of.

Peace, love, and toking with your parents,

Amanda.